Are you a single mom that's dating or considering getting back in the dating field? If so, you are probably wondering what is the most appropriate way to allow people into your life without negatively impacting your child/children? You may have already started dating and have concerns about how your children will respond to the possibility of a new person in their lives and yours. Well I am going to give you 3 tips that could help you, your children, and the person you're dating make an easier transition.
For some of you, this may be a very new experience. For others you may have been there, done it, and it didn't go very well. Maybe things took off too fast. Maybe your kids and your new beau didn't get along. Or did your kids get attached to him then the two of you broke it off? There are several different scenarios that can be played out when children are in the picture. As a mother, it is your responsibility to protect your children to the best of your ability. As a woman, at some point in time companionship is desired. How do you balance the 2 without compromising the emotions of your children?
Tip # 1: Take Your Time
The first tip I have identified is to refrain from moving too fast in your relationship. Although it may feel wonderful to experience the excitement of meeting someone that you have chemistry with, it is important make sure this person will is valuable enough to be introduced into your child's life. Does he enjoy children? Does he have children of his own, and would his children get along with your children? There are many questions that need to be asked before he actually meets your child(ren). I suggest that you make a list of questions to ask during your dates. After all, dating is for the purpose of obtaining information as well as having a great time out together. In fact, if your children are aware that you are seriously dating him but they have not met him yet, have them write down questions that they have (depending on your child's age). If he has an issue with answering questions asked by a child this may be a red flag. It may be a good idea to have him meet your closest friends prior to meeting your child. Often times, true friends have clearer vision looking in from the outside. The most important thing is that you place ample amount of time and thought into identifying the right time to allow someone else in your child's life.
Tip # 2: He Must Establish a Relationship with Your Child
Once he has met your children, it is vital that he not only takes you on dates, but he must date your children as well. If someone desires to establish a great relationship with your children it is important that some dates include the children. This could be a simple day at the park or a movie and pizza at home. Participating in activities with both you and your children allows you to see how he interacts with your family. How does he respond to temper tantrums? What is his philosophy on blended/step families and discipline? It is important to see if he genuinely likes your kid and vice versa. Also, if he has children of his own and has set a standard for you meeting his children, you may have some pretty busy date nights ahead of you with possibly combined family time. If he has children, you need establish the same rules for getting to know his family too. If he only wants to be alone with you and takes little interest in activity that includes the total package (you and your children), you must take that as a sign that he is high risk for a problematic relationship.
Tip # 3: Never Bring Several Different Men into Your Children's Lives
The third tip I want to give single moms that are dating, is to limit how many people you introduce into your child's life. It is inappropriate and unfair to your child to have to keep secrets for you or establish an emotional tie to more than one boyfriend. Everyone is not suitable to spend time with your children. If you are simply dating and your teenager meets your date as he comes to pick you up, that is different than your 7 year old going to the park with you and a different man every week. Use wise judgment when exposing your children to people you recently started dating. Some people would suggest meeting your date somewhere so that your child is not exposed to him too soon. Whatever you decide reassure yourself that you are using wisdom and putting your children's best interest first.
Dating for a single mom can be exciting but also frustrating. Follow these three tips to assist in providing the safest environment for you and your children. Remember to take your time, observe how he interacts with you children, and use wise judgment before allowing people into your children's lives.
For some of you, this may be a very new experience. For others you may have been there, done it, and it didn't go very well. Maybe things took off too fast. Maybe your kids and your new beau didn't get along. Or did your kids get attached to him then the two of you broke it off? There are several different scenarios that can be played out when children are in the picture. As a mother, it is your responsibility to protect your children to the best of your ability. As a woman, at some point in time companionship is desired. How do you balance the 2 without compromising the emotions of your children?
Tip # 1: Take Your Time
The first tip I have identified is to refrain from moving too fast in your relationship. Although it may feel wonderful to experience the excitement of meeting someone that you have chemistry with, it is important make sure this person will is valuable enough to be introduced into your child's life. Does he enjoy children? Does he have children of his own, and would his children get along with your children? There are many questions that need to be asked before he actually meets your child(ren). I suggest that you make a list of questions to ask during your dates. After all, dating is for the purpose of obtaining information as well as having a great time out together. In fact, if your children are aware that you are seriously dating him but they have not met him yet, have them write down questions that they have (depending on your child's age). If he has an issue with answering questions asked by a child this may be a red flag. It may be a good idea to have him meet your closest friends prior to meeting your child. Often times, true friends have clearer vision looking in from the outside. The most important thing is that you place ample amount of time and thought into identifying the right time to allow someone else in your child's life.
Tip # 2: He Must Establish a Relationship with Your Child
Once he has met your children, it is vital that he not only takes you on dates, but he must date your children as well. If someone desires to establish a great relationship with your children it is important that some dates include the children. This could be a simple day at the park or a movie and pizza at home. Participating in activities with both you and your children allows you to see how he interacts with your family. How does he respond to temper tantrums? What is his philosophy on blended/step families and discipline? It is important to see if he genuinely likes your kid and vice versa. Also, if he has children of his own and has set a standard for you meeting his children, you may have some pretty busy date nights ahead of you with possibly combined family time. If he has children, you need establish the same rules for getting to know his family too. If he only wants to be alone with you and takes little interest in activity that includes the total package (you and your children), you must take that as a sign that he is high risk for a problematic relationship.
Tip # 3: Never Bring Several Different Men into Your Children's Lives
The third tip I want to give single moms that are dating, is to limit how many people you introduce into your child's life. It is inappropriate and unfair to your child to have to keep secrets for you or establish an emotional tie to more than one boyfriend. Everyone is not suitable to spend time with your children. If you are simply dating and your teenager meets your date as he comes to pick you up, that is different than your 7 year old going to the park with you and a different man every week. Use wise judgment when exposing your children to people you recently started dating. Some people would suggest meeting your date somewhere so that your child is not exposed to him too soon. Whatever you decide reassure yourself that you are using wisdom and putting your children's best interest first.
Dating for a single mom can be exciting but also frustrating. Follow these three tips to assist in providing the safest environment for you and your children. Remember to take your time, observe how he interacts with you children, and use wise judgment before allowing people into your children's lives.